It really doesn’t matter what this Christmas brings in the way of presents, I’ve already got my wish. In this same space last year I wrote about my father being diagnosed with cancer and hoping that I would get to spend another Christmas with him.
Well, I got my wish. My Dad has faced some rough days in the past year as he battled pancreatic cancer but he is still providing my entire family with the best Christmas gift ever, more time. He is here to enjoy the holiday season and we will be making the most of each and every moment.
And while I am most certainly grateful for another year I can’t help but feel guilty for receiving my holiday wish when there are those who will be without loved ones this holiday season. My heart aches for those who wanted just one more Christmas and had to settle for the memories they have already collected.
It almost seems selfish to wish for more time with my father when others didn’t even get the chance to say good-bye to there loved ones. It serves as a daily reminder to me of just how precious life is and how important it is to tell the people you love that you love them.
When I recently asked my father what he wanted for Christmas he replied, “Nine more years.” I didn’t know how to reply. What to you get for someone who has been the cornerstone in your life and now holds on to his own life with a fragile grip. He wouldn’t appreciate the “fragile” comment but it’s a figure of speech and highlights the fact my father struggles just a little more than he did this time last year.
I have always enjoyed a close relationship with my dad. Of all the people in my life, he probably understands me better than anyone else. He understands how my mind works, how I often I need to vent and doesn’t ever hold it against me that I love to talk.
That’s probably what I will miss more than anything when he isn’t here with us, that ability he has to listen without judgment, without haste and without feeling he needs to fix it for me. I know no one will ever be able to put up with my gift of gab the way my dad does.
It makes me even more determined to make this holiday season with my family one that will etch long lasting memories in the minds of my siblings and their children. My parents have 17 grandchildren, each and everyone of them thinks their grandpa is something special, they always have.
That’s not to say my mother isn’t great. She is the strength my family has leaned on in the past year and will continue to count on in the years to come. My mother has always been strong, it is probably why she made such a great nurse. When everyone else is in crisis mode, my mother is the calm eye of the storm. My parents make a good team, my mother is the heart of our family and my father is the soul.
It has been an interesting year for my family as we checked in almost daily with our folks and tried not to plan too far into the future. Ever family holiday and tradition was observed with the underlying, if not fleeting, thought, could this be the last time we do this with our dad.
It has made us all more acutely aware of those tender moments we share as a family. We have hugged a little tighter, held hands a little longer and tried to convene a million thoughts in a few words of love.
So my holiday wish this Christmas is the same as last year, more time. I know it’s selfish but it’s still my wish that my dad will be with us to celebrate Christmas 2012.
To you and yours this holiday season my heartfelt best wishes and remember to tell your loved ones how much you love them. Don’t let the sun rise on 2012 without having shared, with those you love the most, their importance in your life, it can be your gift to them.