Public toilet tax to come

By Stan Ashbee
Sunny South News

With the recent provincial budget released to the masses last week, the provincial government added a few more taxes and amendments to the already heavily-taxed opus.
Soon to be taxed are a few surprising additions including a tax for using public toilets and for Albertans who watch Netflix and/or cable.
These additions have caused turmoil at the provincial legislature, as politicians debated the new taxes heatedly until the wee hours of last Friday morning, to have these additions in place by Apr. 1.
Other additions include: If you are an Albertan and you use your left hand, there’s a tax for that. It’s called, “The South Paw Tax.”
Starting next week, if an Albertan uses his/her left hand, the left-handed individual must keep track of every time the left hand is used and a daily log must be turned into the provincial government and a tax must be paid, each tax season.
Albertans who have sweet tooths will be directly responsible for their sin factor, as taxes will begin next week on sweet treats including cakes, donuts, chocolates and candy. Of course, the tax amount is speculated at the moment but will be announced once politicians decide on what’s best for the province, in regards to new taxes.
Next, drivers in Alberta who drive too slow will feel the provincial wrath with a new tax.
Also, those who go to movies at an actual theatre will be in for a special tax being dubbed, “The Night On The Town Tax.” Date night will be the provincial government’s latest tax grab.
A tax on using social media to announce every menial thing will be imposed, as soon as provincial politicians learn how to use the latest technology. It’s the “Face the Twitter Tax.”
But, they didn’t stop there. A new tax on sipping water from a water fountain in any public place will be enforced by new provincial bylaw officers being hired in local municipalities to curb public toilet and water fountain excess and waste.
One of the proposals was for public toilets and water fountains to be coin-operated, so long to the long-held tradition of “pee for free.”
Of course, all of this is nonsense because it’s April Fools’ Day tomorrow.
Happy April Fools’ Day from Sunny South News.

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